


A slow, but steady realization

by Storylandqueen



Series: Get What You Need [2]
Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Introspection, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 06:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storylandqueen/pseuds/Storylandqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happens in stages. First, he's the dangerous stranger that brings life into a stagnant existence, then he's the guardian against the danger. After that, things start changing, turning into an evolution of emotional involvement until Beth can't deny that she's in over her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A slow, but steady realization

The first time Beth thought about Rick was the night she met him, but it wasn't anything close to the way she thought about him now. Back then, that night, what she thought about was the wide-eyed, frantic manner he had as he followed her lead in getting towels for his son as he bled out. That day had been terrifying for Beth, not only because she feared the death of someone she'd never met before, but also because they were strangers, they were living, breathing strangers and Beth had almost forgotten that the farm wasn't some kind of locked away oasis at the end of the world. It was like she'd existed inside a snow globe before that, her existence limited and fake until Rick and his group stumbled in and broke the glass that held the pieces of her life in statis, letting everything fall out onto the floor and exposing them to the harsh reality of the world.

That first night, Beth barely slept and images of blood and Rick's wild expression flashes through her mind during her few fitful stretches of unconsciousness. It must be a horrible thing, she thought, to watch your child suffer. If they were dead, at least you knew that, but while they were alive, anything could happen to them. Rick didn't know if his son would live or not, but Beth watched from the sidelines as he fought to make sure he stayed alive. She saw how weak he made himself, giving away so much blood he could hardly stand and Beth had to marvel at the love this man showed for his child and even if she knew nothing else about Rick Grimes, Beth Greene knew he was a good father.

~~~

By the time Beth learned how to shoot, Rick Grimes and his group had helped open up her eyes to a new part of the world. Never in her life had Beth ever imaged she'd be doing something as violent as shooting a gun, but it was for their own defense, she knew that. Still, it didn't change the fact that it was as if Beth could literally feel herself growing, her horizons expanding as she pushed out of her comfort zone because of necessity, guided out of it by Rick. It was new and what it meant was a little intimidating, but Beth wanted to pull her own weight, didn't want to prove useless when she could see just how hard Rick and all the others in his group were working. Even his own son learned how to use a gun and he was years younger than Beth, but he also showed that the determination to get something done ran in the Grimes bloodline.

It was when she got a nod of approval from Rick himself that Beth realized she thought of him as a leader, that he was someone she'd answer to and follow. She believed in him, believed he would do anything to protect one of his own and Beth wondered how someone proved themselves to be special enough to fall into that catagory inside of his mind. He was safety and security and protection, things that were precious and rare in what the world had turned into, and it seemed as though no length was too far to go to for him. It was partly terrifying and partly awe-inspiring to know someone that unrestrained and passionate about completing something and Beth began to catch herself watching him, if only from the corner of her eye.

~~~

Losing the farm was horrifying. It had been her home all of her life. She knew exactly which room she'd been born in and she had known what her father's footsteps on the stairs sounded like in the morning. Now that staircase that she'd rolled a ball down was turned to ash, everything going up in smoke as things burned. It was like a nightmare of screams and charred skin come to life and Beth was terrified. The fear she felt as they all fled helped fuel her survival instinct and the crushing despair that she'd spiralled into after seeing her family emerge from that barn and be shot suddenly didn't exist anymore, every last trace of it burned out of her by the flames that were engulfing her home.

She'd lost Jimmy, she only found that out later. When she cried, it was for more than just him, it was for her home and her childhood, for the peaceful life she had before the dead started to come back. After that night, they weren't just two separate groups of people cohabitating. The original habitants of the farm had lose people and so had Rick's group, but those that had escaped had done so together. They were one group now and Beth turned her face towards Rick without question once they were all together, knowing who she would follow now. Maybe it was grief mixed in with hero worship, maybe it was desperation and gratitude, but looking back, Beth thought that was when it started.

~~~

Beth could remember exactly when she found out that Lori was pregnant, but it didn't seem real to her until the first time she glanced over at the older woman and could see the small curve that made up her baby bump. Beth had frozen for just a moment at the sight, caught short by it, and she blinked before returning to what she was doing, trying to pretend like nothing had happened, but she couldn't get it out of her mind and as Lori grew, so did Beth's preoccupation with the baby. It wouldn't be safe to make muliple trips to a store for supplies, so they'd need to care backpacks instead of diaper bags of material. The baby would need clothes and it would be nice to have one of the carriers to strap the little one into, the kind that held them against your chest, but most of all, they would need diapers, and a lot of them. Beth could only pray the baby would be born healthy and wouldn't need any medicine, they didn't exist in a good world for diseases anymore.

At least they wouldn't have to worry about feeding the baby. Lori could take care of that part and Beth carefully locked down how she felt over the the fact that there was no way she could help with such a basic need for the baby. There were other ways she could be useful to Rick and his child, Beth knew. Lori would need a break and Beth would be there when she needed to be. When she thought of it, Beth realized that there would be few babies luckier when it came to being born during a zombie uprising. Rick's baby was going to have a group of people caring for it, people that had risked their lives for one another and worked fluidly as a team, people that wouldn't turn their backs on each other and knew what it was to fight and to lose. The baby was lucky to have the family that it did, Beth thought as she remembered the first time she'd seen Rick, desperate to save the son in his arms. It was only when Beth told Lori the prison would be a good place for her to have the baby and she felt something flare hot and sharp inside her stomach that Beth gave up denying that she was jealous of the other woman and that she admitted she might feel more for Rick Grimes that just a school girl crush.

~~~

They had thought she was Judith's mother. It hadn't even occured to Beth that they might make that assumption and it had taken her a moment to catch on and another heartbeat to correct the woman, a slight hesitation coming between her words as she denied the claim. She hadn't wanted to, had wanted to hold on to Judith tighter in a nonverbal apology of _I'm sorry_ to the little baby and promise her that it didn't mean she didn't care. It wasn't the woman's fault for thinking that, after all. Beth was the one that was holding the baby, almost always the one holding her close and the one Judith was handed to when she would start to fuss. It made sense to think the young woman doting on the baby was the mother and Beth was flattered by the guess, but she knew she couldn't just take the title. The name of mom was something she would have to be given, but the role was something she could take up, and Beth fully intended to do just that. Safety, security, protection. Beth remembered thinking that of Rick, and she was going to do her best to mean that to Beth. 

Beth didn't mention the misunderstanding to Rick, doubted anyone else would, either, but she almost wanted word to get back to him so that he could know that she was there for his baby. She wanted to be there for him as well and she would be patient, she'd wait for him to want someone there for him again. Until then, she'd be content with soothing Judith to sleep and watching him hold her, watching the expressions that crossed his face as Judith cried over losing Beth before gradually calming down in a way that made Beth wonder if Judith already had a vague sense that Rick was her father, if maybe when they held her, something had already started clicking inside her mind that marked the two of them as family.

 

 


End file.
